Quotes and Notes from Too Small To Ignore by Dr. Wess Stafford

Click here for a link to the book's website

Although this book is written to inspire us to care for the young ones of this world, I humbly admit that I already care for the poverty stricken, disease carrying, hurt and uncared for children in this world, as well as their grown family members, even. But, I can admit that this same compassion is not always shared for the individuals in these circumstances living in my own country. I mostly view children in the states as spoiled brats and forget there are so many hurting and neglected in the very neighborhoods in which I have lived. So my original thought while reading this book was to apply the truths I was learning to the children I see stateside. As I kept reading, there was much additional wisdom to soak up and apply to a variety of aspects of my life. The following will be quotes from the book that particularly struck me, followed by my own reflections and self-application.

•  “To ‘afflict the comfortable’ with the same love as you ‘comfort the afflicted’ can be a challenge.
• ”Although Dr. Stafford (Wess is shorter so I’m using it from now on – I doubt he’d mind) was referring to the task of getting others involved in the mission of caring for others, I expanded this idea of equal loving to my original thought of applying my compassion not just to the blatantly afflicted, but also to the apparently ‘comfortable’ individuals in the states as well. Look at Jesus’ example of loving the rich as well as the poor – He may have had a “heart for the poor,” but he loved the rich with that same heart.

•  “The spirit of a child is a lot like wet cement.”

•  “When a child gives up hope, dreams are forever shattered. With lost dreams goes the potential and ultimate impact that a child might have had.”
• These two quotes made me think about the encounters I have with children – I don’t even LIKE children, in the typical sense of the word. BUT, we have a responsibility to care for the helpless in this world, and children fit that bill. Providing food and water isn’t enough, though. They are so impressionable, so fragile, so precious. Like wet cement, we can greatly impact a child’s life for the better…or for the worse. I don’t even get to see children out in this environment, but I can do my part and sponsor an organization that will provide a child with not only the food and water and medical attention and education they need, but also the nurturing environment and spiritual guidance every child needs. So, protecting the children of the world from me directly for the time being (haha) I will support them from a distance :)

Regarding TIME

• “If the devil cannot make us bad, he will make us busy.”
• I thought of the pace of life in the United States in general, and my pace of life while in Oregon. Then I compared that to my pace of life here in Afghanistan, or to my time in Iraq, or even to my days in San Diego where I generally slow down a bit more. I asked myself, “Where do I find peace and contentment more easily?” The answer was easy – I am more peaceful and more content in San Diego, of course, and even here in this desert, than in Oregon surrounded by luxuries and friends and family. Might my peace and contentment have more to do with the pace of life, daily responsibilities and expectations than the conditions in which I live or the possessions in my care? (HINT: YES). Here I take time to be a healthy person, and use time in my favor, rather than allow time to control me as we generally do (‘we’ being: typical people in developed countries).

• “The present is now – the days we live today. This is God’s gift to us. It is meant to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. The present will flow by us, of course, and become the past. That is the way of a river, and that is the way of time.”
• When I first arrived I began thinking and writing about time and its quick passage…
• Like a river time flows onward, never ceasing. I feel it quicken and slow, widen and compress against me, just as the rivers did in which I played as a child. But, no drought can stop time, no flood can expand it, nor truly speed it up. For time is constant, steady, and relentless. It is only our perceptions that change and how we use our time determines the lens through which we see it.
• Never have I been so aware of this measurement we obsess over; I feel its passing daily it seems.  Reminders like the above quote help me to embrace the day and use the time I’m given wisely, while appreciating what I’ve been given and not be sorrowed over the day’s quick departure.

Words from the Chief of Nielle, a small African village where Wess grew up:

• “The smaller that men can measure the day, the more angry they seem to be.”

• “They miss so much of the joy of today all around them.”

• (Using the analogy of time being like a river) “Because they strain to see around the bend in the river, the present nearly knocks them down as it swirls around their knees. It slips behind them and keeps flowing. It becomes the past without their even noticing. The past, for them, is forgotten. The memories fade, and they make the same mistakes all over again.” … “The past is just as much a part of the river as the future and the present.”

• “The underlying philosophy [in Nielle] said that today was really all we had, so we should relish it to the full. People matter. Food matters. Smells matter. Stories matter. Dancing matters. Hard work matters. Now matters.”
• I love this list – things that we often find irrelevant or silly, mixed in with what we may even say are “obviously important.” The little things matter, the joys of today matter.

Regarding WEALTH AND POSSESSIONS

• Statistic: Every year Americans spend more for GARBAGE BAGS than 90 of the world’s 210 countries spend for…EVERTYTHING.
• I felt sick when I read this. I know there are arguments to be made about this statistic and currency exchange rates and whatever someone might say to defend our country’s wastefulness, but I don’t care. I have seen our wastefulness and in attempts to prevent writing a novel here, I will just ask you this. Can you use fewer garbage bags in your household and use the money saved for something better? (Not to mention, you’ll be helping our planet out…but that’s a different argument altogether).

• “When the wealthy and the poor get together, each ends up meeting the desperate needs of the other.” When kept apart…

• …“One tends to die in need, the other in greed.”
• If you’ve ever gone on some kind of mission or charity trip, you’ll know firsthand how working to help the poor tends to teach you more and give more to you than you ever had to offer to those you were serving in the first place. Generally speaking, the rich people in this world (and if you’re reading this, you’re most likely richer than at least 90% of the world) are lacking so much in regards to their emotional lives, while the poor often are found to have an astounding amount of joy in their lives. When our paths cross we can each bless one another.

Regarding COMPASSION AND COMPETITION

• “We have to be compassionate as our heavenly Father is compassionate. This means being courageously and radically different in the midst of society. It means going against the ‘win-at’-any-cost’ mentality.”
• Obviously this is written to fellow Christians. This mentality often doesn’t make sense to the world and when it’s actually seen acted out, it can cause confusion. Why on earth would we sacrifice of our own accomplishment or even comfort? Why would we choose to ‘lose’ something, and for apparently nothing? If we want to be more Christ-like, it means having a compassion for people like He did – it means letting go of our pride and ego, or taking steps that lead to discomfort, or even sharing of our hard earned possessions. Sometimes it just means not walking over someone else to reach a goal, but taking the long way around to get there.

• “If you can meet with triumph and disaster 

        And treat those two imposters just the same…
        Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it,
        And –which is more –you’ll be a man, my son!”

                    ~From If by Rudyard Kipling, and etched over the 

door leading to center court at Wimbledon.

• “Competition should be our servant, a mere tool to drive us toward excellence.”
• These quotes address our tendency to take our desire for success – for mastering something – to the extreme of harming others in the process. Competition is a healthy thing, but it is a tool for improvement, not the end which we should seek. I began to think about this outside of the context of children and character, etc…, in which this book was written. I applied this theory to my career here. How often do people want to ‘look good’ at what they do, and do so by pushing another under the bus? We joke about it a lot out here, but I want to be sure that I take responsibility for my successes without making another look foolish, and that I take responsibility for my mistakes as well. Although my father taught me that it is easy to succeed in life because there are so many idiots out there (and yes, this is true!), there are also many ways to stand out and succeed beyond the idiocy of others making us look good. I don’t need for their stupidity to be noticed in order to show that I know my stuff if I work hard at what I do, and neither do you.

THE PEARLS OF POVERTY

Wes lists some ‘pearls of poverty’ which are things that the poor are blessed with, that we could very much learn from them. I have chosen a couple here on which to reflect.

• The Pearl of LOVE: Even when you are down to your last dollars, you can give love. Wes mentions the mystery of love, which is that although you give it away, you will never run out. I believe that loving others is a discipline, although those two words seem to clash in my brain. The more I choose to love others, and act on that chosen love when I feel nothing, the easier it becomes to act lovingly. It becomes a habit, rather than thoughtfully forced, and eventually I may even FEEL that love. In my experience, the poor are more loving and accepting than those of us who have much. Even with nothing, many will act with kindness and generosity, and love.

• The Pearl of JOY: “Joy is not dictated by the circumstances of life. It’s a decision, a very brave one, about how you are going to respond to life.” At shift change recently a man from the other shift told me it was the first time he had ever seen me unhappy or not smiling. I can’t say that I feel happiness every day here, but I can say that I choose to be joyful most of the time. I was excited to hear this from him because it meant that I’m doing pretty well at choosing joy, at least at portraying it. And many studies show that if you make yourself smile, you actually feel better, so smiling to people, wishing them a good morning as they come in to work and approaching the day with a joyful attitude can go a long way.

• The Pearl of KNOWING HOW TO GIVE AND RECEIVE: This one sounds strange, but the poor are often generous, as well as grateful to receive. Have you ever given a gift to someone and felt like they didn’t appreciate it? It sucks. How much better to give generously and have your gift warmly welcomed. Wes talks about learning to be ‘truly and joyfully grateful to receive.’

Regarding THE POOR

In this section Wess addresses the issues of poverty and how we have typically attempted to ‘fix it.’ He talks about how the mere elimination of poverty’s symptoms won’t help, but “while changed circumstances sometimes change people, changed people always change circumstances.” Henry Ford said, “The only thing you can give a man without hurting him is an opportunity.” I won’t go into much detail here, but think about your life and how you can help people change, rather than just changing a circumstance for them. For many of us God has given us the ability and opportunities to do this directly with people in our lives. For others of us God has given us the ability and opportunity to support others who do this.

Wess Stafford is the President of Compassion International, an organization I have sponsored since junior high. I am a firm believer in Compassion Int. and the way their organization functions. I also have had the opportunity to speak directly to Wess and think so highly of Compassion that I hope to someday be a part of their team. I guess this little plug here is to say that if you have the ability to support others who are working to eliminate poverty from its roots, not just the symptoms, check out the organization and start with that. This doesn’t let you off the hook from helping those you encounter every day, though :) Each of us has the ability in some way, no matter how small, to influence those with whom we interact day in and day out, and those with whom we often avoiding interacting as well. Open your eyes to the suffering around you, open your mind to new possibilities, and open your hearts that you may love more fully.

Click here to connect to Compassion, International 

Deployed Again: Afghanistan

I'm fighting an all too familiar numbness and forcing myself to put words on paper as if I feel something - anything at all. With the monotony of life and the routines I fall into here, it's easy to just pass the days, one after the next, without realizing how fast time is streaming past me; it's slipping through my fingers. I look at my watch and hours have passed. I look at the date and it's been a week, and then a month. My thoughts and emotions and intentions seem to swirl around my head, mixed somewhere in time and just out of reach. Then it's as if awareness comes rushing back and I realize I'm so far removed from something but I can't quite place it still. And in my confusion it recedes again, like the tide drifting away after beating the rocks awake. But the rocks dry and soon forget the pain.

I can say that my mood is generally 'happy' and things are 'just fine' but I'm living out some passionless days as I settle back into this deployment life. People have asked about the lifestyle here, so I will attempt to describe a little of what ‘deployment life’ means for me. There is a simplicity here, but also so many complications. Once again, I am working on desert soil, 12 hours/day, 7 days/week for 6 months. It is a slightly varied version of one day, repeated daily. Faces change as coworkers rotate to and from the site, but you invariably find the same characters in different bodies – the leaders, the slackers, the angry men, the ambitious men, the goofy men, the lonely men, the reserved men, and maybe a chick – and you’ll never know what you’re getting there… :)

At this site we are launching and recovering 4 times the amount of my old site so I am getting more experience I have much less time to read, write, watch movies, etc…but I hope it helps time go faster (and so far it has!) I have begun exercising again, which is always a good thing. I have gathered new music from new friends and tried to continue friendships via e-mail as much as possible. So far my first month has flown by.

There is simplicity here in that, like before, there are no meals to prepare, no dishes to wash, very little cleaning in my small shared living space, and no traffic to dread. My laundry is easily dropped off, to be picked up the following day and I don’t even have to fold it! Best of all, I don’t have to scrub toilets, as the outhouses are hosed out daily. :) Life is very “easy.”

On the other hand, there are some difficult things. There is the difficulty sleeping on a crappy bed with aircraft continually flying overhead and trucks passing by. There is a lack of nutrition which also drains the body. There are strong personalities one must learn to blend with and live with at least 12 hours every day. There is an overall lack of intelligence and difficulty finding REAL conversation. There are few Christians to learn from or hold me accountable. There is the gossip derived mostly from boredom and the difficulty of attempting to avoid being a part of it, or a victim of it. There is the general drama that seems to engulf these work sites, whether personal or work-related. And there is a lack of personal space, as well as a lack of the ability to see any friends or family. I don’t often crave to “go out” while I’m here, but when I do, it is lonely knowing I am so far away.

I recently discovered a “space” that may become my hideout - an old guard shack, now empty, which probably marked the edge of the base when it was first constructed. It has since been extended to include our operating area and the runway for the Shadow UAV which also flies here. So I sat on an old dust covered cot in my new “tree fort” the other day and wrote for a bit, enjoying the solitude and secrecy.  Speaking of trees – there is basically no life aside from humans on this base. No trees, no shrubs, no weeds, NOTHING. And the only “animals” I have seen are flies, with the exception of a few birds. The first bird I saw, just last week, caused me to stop in the car and stare for quite some time. I miss seeing living things.

This picture shows the lack of "life" around here. That's me and Chad, taking John, the guy in the middle, the air strip for the first of many flights heading home!

Instead of trees and animals, we have dust. It’s a light powdery dust that fills every crack and crevice, covers every surface and floats through the air like the smoke of terrible smelling incense sticks burning ceaselessly. Imagine dumping out bags and bags of flour across the ground at anywhere from 2-12 inches thick. Now try walking through it, or running through it, or running through it as a vehicle passes…even better!

I do have to add here that our vehicles are from Britain so getting used to “backwards” driving has been fun. Except being Americans on the base we still drive on the right hand side of the road – lame.

But back to running through the dust…We have not had a treadmill until this week, which I will now be running on if it’s ever free in the gym. Prior to that running has taken place on the dust/gravel concoction, staring at your feet intently, focusing to avoid twisting an ankle. But our “gym” has been blessed with said treadmill, so hopefully my running will improve. I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have such a wonderful gym at my last base. This one is more like a creative workspace where you use dumbbells for as many things possible. Thank God for the iFitness application to help me figure out the possibilities! Being that the gym is small and I’m not entirely prepared each day due to the lack of familiar machines, there are additional challenges in my day – being motivated to go and secure enough to stay. Avoiding the stares is always awkward, but sometimes it pisses me off enough to motivate a harder workout…bonus! 

One day I ventured across base to another gym, which is TINY, but generally fairly empty so I prefer it. There was a man there that had asked me a question before about an ab workout I was doing, and we generally just smiled and nodded when we saw each other there. On this particular day we began talking toward the end of my workout and it turns out he’s a Christian! He informed it was the season of Lent, which I hadn’t realized, so we discussed it and I decided to give up arguing for Lent (we’ll see how this goes!). Our conversation twisted and turned for an hour until I had lost all motivation to complete my workout but went home smiling nonetheless. He left this base the next day, fortunately returning to his family all in one piece, but it was encouraging to have met someone who shared my views on the bigger picture of life. I’ve needed that.

When leaving the gym I drove past a couple helicopters landing and busted out my iPhone for a quick photo. Not too shabby for a picture with a phone through a dirty window!

The weather is big focus here. It’s logical, considering we’re working with airplanes, but I often feel like the elderly, discussing the weather of all things, multiple times throughout the day. The temperature differences between day and night are drastic. I go to bed in the afternoon with the A/C on, only to invariably wake up around 2000 to switch to the heater. There have also been drastic variations since my arrival in the highs and lows of each day. For example, now I can handle walking from one tent to another during the night (about 30 seconds) in my t-shirt, while just recently I wouldn’t dream of exiting the heated spaces without adding the following to my traditional attire:

Thermals (top and bottoms)

Thick Socks (snowboarding appropriate)

Extra shirt

Jacket

Scarf

Gloves

 I actually wore the scarf covering my whole face but braved the cold for this picture :)

This is Chris and I in one of the cans, I have shed the coat and thermal, obviously, but here's some insight into the dork I am. Everyone loves to ridicule my "style" out here and insists I'm a hippie. Even the new guy that just got here asked me within a day..."are you a hippie?" HA!

It was in the teens and the wind chill put us into single digits! NOT my thing. Plus, we preflight our birds at 0400 (the coldest time of day) so imagine spending hours outside in that trying to use your fingers! I was downright angry at my misery a couple evenings. One day we had a large puddle that had frozen over, so I decided to sled on it in my boots. I made it across, but I was NOT sledding, it was more like cautiously taking baby steps as it wasn’t thick enough ice yet. That same day there was a thick layer of frost on all of our aircraft boxes. I was on ground crew, meaning I was outside for the whole launch and recovery sequence. The other ground crew guy and I had mini “snow ball” fight (“frost fight” is more accurate) while we waited for clearance to launch. That day the cold was worth it, but I can’t say that’s true for any other day I froze my butt off. 

Chris and his threatening 'frost ball'

 

 Boot sledding. Try it.

Now it’s starting to warm up during the day and people are beginning to dread the ensuing heat. Running after work, at noon, is becoming more miserable, but I’m loving the warmth overall. A friend here, Chris, had a skateboard shipped out so I rode around on our small concrete area the other day. Maneuvering between rows of aircraft boxes, the skyhook and two launchers, I only ate it once. In all honesty, though, I was terrible. In fact, since I had trouble going fast enough in such a small space for the turns, one guy handed me a broom and I used that to keep momentum. We decided it will be the next new Olympic sport: Broom boarding. I’d give it 8 years or so and you’ll see it in the summer Olympics.

 This is the 'concrete' pad we use to skateboard on. I'd love to use the runway you can see in the back there, but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't go over so well.

I mentioned earlier that you never know what you’ll get when there’s a female on site. There are two here, one contractor like me and one Marine. The contractor, Sabrina, with whom I share a room, works the opposite shift so I really know nothing about her. We don’t sit and talk or play cribbage like the female co-worker from my last site, Kim, and I did. I attempted to get her to talk at shift change again recently, and as my Grandpa Moen would say, “Tough Titties.” The same could be said of the Marine.

If you’re a praying individual, feel free to pray for wisdom and love for me. It seems that I cannot escape the challenging people in this world even by coming to Afghanistan (it might even be worse here because there’s no escape from them!) I find it hard to look at some people here with love, but know it’s possible so I will keep trying. I’m also struggling with taming my tongue. I encountered this in Iraq, as well, with a culture centered on gossip, and as I continually failed to just shut my mouth there, I am repeating history here. It’s so easy to just blurt out your opinions and thoughts, but these are not trusted friends that I can appropriately vent to, these are coworkers with whom I must live in VERY close proximity for another 4 months at least.  So, with reminders even taped to my wall, every day I try again. Wish me luck.

One challenge I've experienced here is the racism and hatred toward the Afghanis living on base. There are also many Filipinos, but most of the rude comments are directed towards the Afghanis. It is so sad to see these men, representing America, and realize that there are so many who think just like them. I practically jumped from a moving vehicle one day to keep from blurting out in anger at the men in the car. We had gone to a chow hall for breakfast, but there were "too many locals there" - I will spare you the details of what these guys said, but they turned around and left for another chow hall so they didn't have to eat with them. By time we got back to the site I had heard enough and was out of the car and gone before it had even stopped in its parking space. 

I want to connect with the locals in some way - to meet them and hear their stories - but being a female contractor the extent of my interaction with them that would be considered appropriate is to say hello and thank you and wish them a good day. And here are these men that have the capability to interact with them and they shun the Afghanis, refusing to even shake hands. They are not all like this, of course; some of the men here are very kind and polite and would never behave that way. And I understand the fear of wondering who really is on our side, and who is Taliban having infiltrated the ranks, but I refuse to let that fear control me into acting with such distaste and disrespect. I have a couple pictures here of Afghanis working right over the berm next to my room. I spied and got some pictures through the wire :)

OK, so I've talked about the morons out here, but they're not all bad. And I must add that although life is repetitive and rather dull, there are some individuals who bring much laughter to my days.This is a picture of Chad and I, with Jerry trying to sneak his way into the shot. Chad is at another site now, but Jerry is still here as our night lead. 

As I said, people come and go frequently, but there is generally always at least one person that makes me smile. During my first week here, I left my can (room) to start my work day. As I was walking past one section of the site toward the other, John ran out and says to me frantically, “Hey – can you help me get this bird up!? We just had one crash and need to get another one up quick!” I had just woken up, desperately needed to pee, and could hardly see straight, but I threw my bag down and snapped to it heading toward the aircraft box. I was clarifying, “This is the bird, right?” as I reached down to open the cover….then out flies Rob from the bird box screaming and sending me almost to the ground and struggling not to pee my pants from laughter and/or fright. They definitely jump started my day! Unfortunately, that group of guys is all gone now, but there are good moments such as this one on a regular basis. Here's a shot of John and I after I had forgiven him for tricking me that night.

My favorite coworker, Brian, who I was with in Iraq, with showed up here for a few weeks before he was sent to another site, and although he was on day shift, we overlapped our days to play spades or enjoy a cigar or just sit and visit. It was wonderful having him around while it lasted.

Today a group of us got the ratty soccer ball out and kicked it around – me…SOCCER!? Yep. It was pretty bad, I’m not gonna lie. Before too long I switched to golf. A bunch of guys had a few clubs shipped out so I attempted chipping and it went MUCH better than soccer. I actually enjoyed watching my ball sail through the air into the open desert, even though I knew I then had to go get them all. It might be another goal of mine while I’m here: learn how to golf.

This was our soccer field, and that last can on the far left is my room

I've joked with a few of the more intelligent, mature men here that this place surely makes one dumber as you lower your vocabulary and avoid deep conversations. It's very true. I've even found myself using the filler word, "like" frequently - am I some ditsy valley girl now or what!? So, in order to maintain a certain level of intelligence and depth to my spirit, I have created a list of goals for myself, both measurable and attainable, to accomplish during my time here. This list includes "intellectual health" items such as reading a certain amount monthly and studying Spanish to prevent from losing more than I already have since my departure from Peru. It also includes "emotional/spiritual health" items such as writing poetry and other little bits like this one you are currently reading, having reflection times, etc..., as well as "physical health" items such as regular exercise, attempting to sleep and eating healthy.

I’ve really picked up on the physical health goal as I’ve started doing an intense workout program. No excuses, if it’s on the list I do it. And when it looks like I’m doing them too easily Chris yells at me do to more weight and oddly enough I listen to him. 4 days a week are doubles, there is at least some cardio every day, and Sunday is the only day off (and with no work days off, I now have an official weekend day to look forward to!) As for the other goals, I’m trying. I find myself thinking a lot, but without writing it gets lost in the abyss of my brain and I doubt I learn from it. Hopefully the urge to write will return.

The other goal I’ve been doing OK with is my reading goal. I’ve actually read more than double my original goal, and one of those books was about the story of our lives (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller). It’s hard to describe briefly, but basically a man is making his memoir into a movie, and in the process of editing his own life for the screen he learns a lot about making his life more interesting and in all bluntness, more worthwhile. Using what he has learned about ‘story’ for books and movies, he begins to make changes to his life to create his own more interesting story. I want my life to likewise be an adventure, and even stuck in Afghanistan I believe I can experience some form of adventure; and no adventure is complete without learning something. Being that I feel numb to the experience right now I’m trying to jump start this learning with books. There is always something to learn from a story, right?

I began with He’s Just Not That Into You. Finding it on my Kindle and curious about its title, as well as where it came from as I’d never heard of it, I whisked through that in a day. It was a strange read, but it had good reminders about how a woman should be treated and when I’m someday ready for all that mushy stuff I’ll have those reminders for what standards I require. Next was The Joy Luck Club with interesting stories and a reminder about just how lucky I am to have such wonderful parents. It left me with watery eyes wanting to KNOW my parents more fully (I promptly sent them a handwritten letter demanding essays and truths they have discovered, as well as telling them how much I love them, of course).

Then I hit a jackpot with Dr. Wes Stafford’s Too Small To Ignore. I would like to share some thoughts on that. Maybe it will spark some thoughts for someone who may read this, and in turn case some change for you. There will be a separate post for that, as this is getting lengthy. For now I'll leave you with a couple more pictures from the site out here.

 

This was a beautiful sunrise one morning that I caught looking over a berm

This was the day they opened a PX on base (yes, now we have shampoo and some snacks and even STARBUCKS FRAPPUCCINO available!) Unfortunately, the lines were so long to get into the small tent space that it took quite some time before we were ever able to actually go and get those frappuccinos.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has given me so much support during my time out here, and thank you for the packages of goodies that are combating my attempts to get in shape :) I appreciate all the e-mails and messages that keep me encouraged and feeling connected to those of you back home.